I am on my late twenty. The age that a human is usually at their best stage: a middle manager position in an international company, a decent income to cover every day & night out at the best nightlife & dining in town, a good network of friends, a few relationships, some good some not, a few vacation abroad here and there every year.
A year ago, I was satisfied with what I have. It is on the right track. Then, one morning after a long night out, while dressing up for work, a question came to me: what am I working for? What am I making money for?
I found no longer interested in travel, which I used to called myself a wanderlust.
I found no longer interested in work, which I used to proud of every brand I worked for that people thought I was brain washed.
I found no longer interested in seeing new people, which I used to meet and talk and was delighted by every conversation I had with clients, agencies, colleagues, managers.
I found myself today is in the state of “ok-ness”.
My friend said I might be in my thirty crisis. Hahaha. I was laugh at first. I always considered myself as a self-motivated person with lots of positive energy. Crisis is not a word for such an “independent woman”.
That morning, I made The Decision.
After making that decision, I heading to the Café Bene for a hot cappuccino with my girl friend. She had a rough day and she needed somebody to share. As a positive energy person, I am usually expected to give advice or a conversation to make my friends feel better. It likes I am a charger with unlimited battery power.
I was sitting at the table waiting for my friend. My head is empty. There are people around concentrating on their laptop working. Some people focusing on their smartphones. I was zone out. Like a magic power had gave me a chance to fly above that “normal human being” and had a look at them.
I was observing with no thought, no judge, no opinion, no question. Nothing on my mind. It was blank. And funny enough, I felt released.
For the first time after almost a year, I felt released.
I met a friend that afternoon who decided to quit everything she had and went to see her boyfriend in a very far away country. She came back after 3 weeks. Thing was difficult for them. But there is one thing she believes, that called love. If there was me before that day, I would think she was such a naïve. But not today. I just listened. Didn’t judge. Absorb the information. And happy for her. Feel for her.
Later the afternoon, I have met another friend, the one that told me that I might be in the thirty crisis. I was not agreed at the first time, but he might be right. We had a pleasant evening together talking good things and friendship and freedom. No judge, no criticize.
I feel great.
My usual day would start with problems. Problems of agencies. Problems of staffs. Expectation of managers. Expectation of customers. Expectation of colleagues. I think that is a usual day of any corporate people in this planet. Today, after 7 years of non-stop working, I give myself a chance to stop and think. I may be happy with just come back to the little home town selling fresh fish in market making little money, come back Saigon sometimes for a drink or two. President Obama said he would consider open a T-shirt shop in Hawaii. Only white T-shirt. Only M size. No decision making needed. Living a simple life. Sound good to me. A simple life…