Relationship

There is ocean out there. Let’s sail!

The ocean at the end of the lane

I am on my late twenty. The age that a human is usually at their best stage: a middle manager position in an international company, a decent income to cover every day & night out at the best nightlife & dining in town, a good network of friends, a few relationships, some good some not, a few vacation abroad here and there every  year.

A year ago, I was satisfied with what I have. It is on the right track. Then, one morning after a long night out, while dressing up for work, a question came to me: what am I working for? What am I making money for?

I found no longer interested in travel, which I used to called myself a wanderlust.

I found no longer interested in work, which I used to proud of every brand I worked for that people thought I was brain washed.

I found no longer interested in seeing new people, which I used to meet and talk and was delighted by every conversation I had with clients, agencies, colleagues, managers.

I found myself today is in the state of “ok-ness”.

My friend said I might be in my thirty crisis. Hahaha. I was laugh at first. I always considered myself as a self-motivated person with lots of positive energy. Crisis is not a word for such an “independent woman”.

—–

That morning, I made The Decision.

—-

After making that decision, I heading to the Café Bene for a hot cappuccino with my girl friend. She had a rough day and she needed somebody to share. As a positive energy person, I am usually expected to give advice or a conversation to make my friends feel better. It likes I am a charger with unlimited battery power.

I was sitting at the table waiting for my friend. My head is empty. There are people around concentrating on their laptop working. Some people focusing on their smartphones. I was zone out. Like a magic power had gave me a chance to fly above that “normal human being” and had a look at them.

I was observing with no thought, no judge, no opinion, no question. Nothing on my mind. It was blank. And funny enough, I felt released.

For the first time after almost a year, I felt released.

—-

I met a friend that afternoon who decided to quit everything she had and went to see her boyfriend in a very far away country. She came back after 3 weeks. Thing was difficult for them. But there is one thing she believes, that called love. If there was me before that day, I would think she was such a naïve. But not today. I just listened. Didn’t judge. Absorb the information. And happy for her. Feel for her.

Later the afternoon, I have met another friend, the one that told me that I might be in the thirty crisis. I was not agreed at the first time, but he might be right. We had a pleasant evening together talking good things and friendship and freedom. No judge, no criticize.

I feel great.

—-

My usual day would start with problems. Problems of agencies. Problems of staffs. Expectation of managers. Expectation of customers. Expectation of colleagues. I think that is a usual day of any corporate people in this planet. Today, after 7 years of non-stop working, I give myself a chance to stop and think. I may be happy with just come back to the little home town selling fresh fish in market making little money, come back Saigon sometimes for a drink or two. President Obama said he would consider open a T-shirt shop in Hawaii. Only white T-shirt. Only M size. No decision making needed. Living a simple life. Sound good to me. A simple life…

Anh

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One thought on “There is ocean out there. Let’s sail!

  1. This piece reminds me of Murakami. Self reflective and very insight. We should get out a map of the world and find a place called simple and go there. I bet it’s wonderful.

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